Affair
by ElGato44
Summary: Keeping a spouse in ancient China is incredibly hard.
1. Zhang Chunhua

Disclaimer: I don't own the images of these people. But for the most part these people belong to history.

Zhang Chunhua wasn't one to let things concern her. But here she stood; the epitome of anxious, biting her nails, brow furrowed to the point that even her cosmetics couldn't hide her true age. In front of her was a plate. A plate of her lovingly fashioned meat buns. Her husband didn't eat even one at dinner. Lately, Sima Yi hadn't been eating her meat buns of late. She thought it was just a phase. Sometimes people aren't in the mood for meat buns, right?

But this. This was a travesty. No doubt about it. Her husband was having an affair.

"Mother," Sima Shi followed his nose to the kitchens finding his mother's nails clicking menacingly on the wooden table, "Please tell me those are finished."

Zhang Chunhua took the plate and shoved it into her son's hands. A small squeal of delight emitted from his throat.

"Here, you are the only one who eats my meat buns now," she screeched in anxiety before fleeing the kitchen. Sima Shi was confused, but that was a fleeting emotion. He had an enormous plate of meat buns in his hands, waiting to be eaten.

If there was something Zhang Chunhua was, it was intimidating. And she strode though the halls with an aura of tension, causing the officers, advisors, scholars, and the very very few maids to turn their heads in concern. She even neglected to greet her other son, Sima Zhao, whose hand of greeting remained suspended as his own mother…just ignored him.

Even poor snot Zhong Hui didn't see her coming behind him. He wasn't even in her way. He was just gazing out the window. Lady Zhang Chunhua actually diverged from her resolute path to shove him to the ground in passing.

"Ow, god…why?!" he shouted rubbing his head.

"Just because!" she shouted without missing a beat or a stride in her step.

She found her husband's office, which was guarded by a big burly soldier.

"I wish to see my husband," she said through clenched teeth.

The guard smirked and stepped aside, "Be my guest."

Sima Yi sat in silence, gaze pouring over some scripts and books. He didn't look up or even took one notice when his own wife entered. Zhang Chunhua waited and waited for him to take notice. But grew frustrated. She grabbed the mahogany desk and pulled it abruptly, causing Sima Yi to jerk forward and knock his forehead against the desk.

"Ow, what!? Woman! What?!" he shouted in surprise.

"Who is she?"

"Who is who?"

"The little tartlet you have on the side. And if you lie to me I will remove the one testicle you have left."

Sima Yi's mouth dropped as he tried to gather what his wife was so upset about. Honestly he was afraid. Even if he had no idea what she was rambling about. When angered or frustrated, Zhang Chunuha became quite unpredictable.

"Honestly, dear, I have absolutely no clue what you are talking about—"

"I'm calling you on your bull," her voice lowered to a dangerous octave. Sima Yi raised an eyebrow. Wrong move.

Zhang Chunhua picked up a particularly large scroll from his desk and threw it directly at his head. Sima Yi was just lucky enough to duck in time. When he regained his senses he looked up to see his wife storm out of his office.

Oh god. Should he go after her? He sighed. Yeah, he had to go after her.

"My dear, wait!" he yelled, chasing after her down the hall, pushing poor Zhong Hui out of the way.

"What? What did I do!?" the youth whined getting dangerously close to tears.

Sima Yi chased his wife out into the gardens, wheezing and blustering, bracing himself on his knees as his wife stared at him with her hands on her hips.

"What…*wheeze*…was that all about?"

Zhang Chunhua didn't wait for him to recover, "You are having an affair, aren't you?"

Sima Yi finally caught his breath only to gasp out, "What?"

What on earth made her think that?

"Trust me woman, there is no way in hell I would ever have an affair. What woman would want a relationship with me with you walking around? If there was, I would be truly blessed. Because that woman would have bigger balls than me and everyone else I know. Which would make up for the fact that I've been emasculated—both physically and emotionally."

He straightened and dared to approach his furious wife, "Why would I anyway? Our relationship is fine. Unspeakably unhealthy, but fine."

Zhagn Chunhua fixed him with a particularly deadly glare, "Then why won't you eat my meat buns anymore?"

Sima Yi had half a mind to just dismiss her, that reasoning was so ridiculous. At least to him. But he was sure that common sense told him to play along, since doing anything else would result in utter disaster.

"Why would me not eating your meat buns equate to me having an affair?"

"Oh please!" she hissed. "Those meatbuns were the only thing we ever had common interest over. Outside of that we are the most passive-aggressive people I have ever seen to warrant a meaningful relationship. And believe me, this faction has more than our fair share of passive aggressive people."

Sima Yi wasn't about to correct his wife. Those past few minutes were hardly passive.

"What else do we have if you don't like my meat buns?"

A migraine began to seep into Sima Yi's head, "Chunhua, I love your cooking. Your meat buns especially."

"Then why not eat them?"

"Last week I went to the physician and found out I have putting on a few pounds more than I should. My metabolism isn't what it was, dear. And those meatbuns are the worst culprit. So I decided to cut back. It has nothing to with me not liking them."

He grinned at his wife, who stared at him in silence, but she wasn't making much of a move for forgiveness.

"You are full of bull, Sima Yi," she hissed angrily.

"What?"

Zhang Chunhua pressed her finger into his "doughy" gut pointedly, "Since when did you ever care about what that physician said? I told you time and time again to follow his advice on treating that growth under your armpit, but NOW all because you can't fit into your leotard anymore, you listen to him?"

"But—"

It was too late. His wife was already stalking away.

"You WILL eat those meat buns. We can always buy more fat robes," she growled over her shoulder.

Sima Yi watched her go helplessly. The migraine was gone but now in his head was a prayer.

"Heavens…it would be such a blessing if you just gave me a heart attack now."

* * *

A/N: First chapter...deservedly so on Zhang Chunhua and Sima Yi's relationship with meat buns.


	2. Lian Shi

Disclaimer: Koei's images of historical figures

* * *

The night was quiet and peaceful for the most part. But a storm was whirling in Sun Quan's head. He waited outside his beloved's quarters working up what little amount of courage he had left to knock.

He wasn't really all that afraid of Lian Shi, but guilt knotted in his chest. Indescribable guilt. The past few years have been difficult and he did not want to lose the one woman who truly believed in him.

He knocked.

"Enter," a soft but resolute voice called from the other side.

Sun Quan entered, "Lian Shi?"

His beloved was silent, eyes turned downward concentrating on some sewing. She didn't look up when her lord entered.

Sun Quan pulled on the knuckles of his fingers. A nervous habit. He could feel disdain in the room. He prayed that it was his own mind.

"I have to tell you something," he said, barely above a whisper.

Lian Shi's clear eyes tore away from her sewing and held Sun Quan's gaze. Her expression otherwise was unreadable. Sun Quan's voice caught in his throat, his jaw slack.

He cleared his throat and confessed, "I…made the biggest regret of my life. I…slept with Lady Xu the other night."

His mind blanked. It seemed he was prepared for any sort of punishment.

"I know," Lian Shi replied, going back to her sewing.

"And I realize that—wait…you know?" he paused, his face scrunching up in confusion. "How?"

Lian Shi sighed and raised her brow in annoyance, "You need to learn to shut your door."

"That aside…" he paused, trying not to sound hurt by her retort. Even if he deserved it. "I'm, so, so, sorry…"

He got to his knees trying to get her attention, "I'm on my knees begging for forgiveness. It was a stupid affair. I was drunk…she was wearing fur. You know how fur turns me on. One thing led to another and…please. You are the one I hold closest to my heart. I will never sleep with a court lady again."

"Okay," she merely replied, shrugging.

"What?" Sun Quan got back on his feet.

"Okay," Lian Shi reiterated casually.

"What is this?" Sun Quan glanced around casually, as if he expected something worse to pop out and grab him. "Do you not get it? I was unfaithful!"

"I know."

"Shouldn't you be more upset about this?"

"Was she clean?" Lian Shi thought to give him a little more to chew on. Since he seemed to desire it so much.

"Was she what?"

Lian Shi laid her sewing on her lap, finally staring at her lord directly, "Was she clean? Bathed, clothed fine, wasn't some gal who frequented the fisherman's wharfs?"

"No. She's only bedded higher lords. She's fine. Why?"

"I just want to make sure you practice safe sex whenever you have your desires."

Sun Quan felt ice fall and heat boil into his chest. Was she playing him? What was this? He would be devastated if Lian Shi had affections for another man…wait did she? Is that why she was being so cavalier about all this?

"It makes me feel better that you give your affections to someone who has some sense of class," she continued.

"Is this your passive aggressive way of telling me you actually disapprove. And before you answer, I've seen fights between Lu Su and Zhou Yu. I know what passive-aggressiveness looks like."

"Lord Sun Quan…"

Sun Quan shook his head, "How are you okay with this? I mean shouldn't you be angry…jealous maybe?"

"Of course I am," Lian Shi responded minimally. It didn't do a good job of convincing Sun Quan, "But whatever makes you feel good is probably best."

"You are the best," he blurted. "I mean you are the only one good for me."

"I'm flattered."

Sun Quan cringed at that flat tone, "Are you going to punish me?"

Silence.

Biting his lip, Sun Quan let out a small wail, "Please, just yell at me. I don't do well with this guilt trip. You've met my mother."

Lian Shi cocked her head, "I don't understand. Are you now comparing me to your mother?"

The red-head's eyes widened in shock, "N-no! I mean there are worse…NO! I am definitely not comparing you to my mother."

"Uh-huh. Look my lord, if you think I think sex is such a big deal then you have me pegged all wrong. As well yourself."

Lianshi stood and stepped over her lord whose eyes followed her in confusion.

"I am more confident in myself to let a little thing like immature lust beat me down. And you…"

She stopped at the doorway, and gave her lord a sly, but sickeningly sweet smile, "I like it when you are confident in yourself, but you give yourself too much credit in the matters of the bedroom."

In response, Sun Quan just looked even more confused. What was it Huang Gai said? Speaking to women is like speaking to a foreigner trying to get directions? Speak for Huang Gai. That man was the most faithful man in all of China.

Lian Shi cleared her throat and yelled, "I'm trying to say that women don't need sex to function, unlike...you men. And you are...adequate at best in bed."

"What? I thought you liked it?" Sun Quan's pride was smashed into a bloody pulp, though he always felt that he may not be the most satisfactory lover.

"I do, I do," Lian Shi murmured. "But mostly on my part, not much on yours."

"Thanks..." he growled sarcastically.

"But just because you have sex with someone, doesn't mean you love them. Right?"

"Exactly," Sun Quan sighed, eyes avoiding eye contact. Lian Shi sighed, and took pity on the immensely vulnerable ruler. She approached him and knelt down in front of him, cupping his jaw so he could face her.

"Then I don't need sex to still love someone," she kissed his nose. "I do like fidelity. But I am no fool. As long as you are true to me in the heart then I don't care who you wave your dick at. Take that as a gift."

She stood up, looking down upon him with a satisfied smile, "A really, really, generous gift."

* * *

A/N: I found Lian Shi's and Sun Quan's relationship...interesting. Especially in the latest installment. She basically became his perpetual girlfriend (never married, as historically they never married officially.) And Lian Shi seems very in control of herself.


	3. Cao Pi

Disclaimer: Koei's interpretations of historical characters just dancing to my script.

Chapter 3: Cao Pi

Women. As a group in his own bedroom, Cao Pi found them a most pleasurable prospect. But away from his rooms, alone with himself, he found them suspicious. Gossiping, talking, gossiping. Ugh.

Cao Pi was in some ways old fashioned. He never thought that women should be involved in battles and wars. But perhaps if they did, they could stop this incessant talking and bonding with each other.

The worst culprit was his own wife, Zhen Ji. When they first became involved with each other, she was everything Cao Pi wished he had in a spouse. Loyal, sensual, incredibly…incredibly…

Cao Pi gnawed at his lower lip. Rubbing his temples. Now his lady was laying her affections on others. Mostly women. Spending the night with other ladies of the court doing what he feared the most. What made it worse is that she was also being coy and flirtatious with men around camp as well as women.

It was selfish to think that she was his alone, but that is what being his wife entailed. He would come first. Frivolous ventures second. He could hear her high-pitched laugh in the room across the hall.

It was getting unbearable. Cao Pi stared at the end of his desk, where his wife used to sit and chat. Was he too boring for her? No, that couldn't be. Whatever she had an attraction to now, he had to stop it.

The laughing continued, his displeased face scrunched even more.

_"Continue to look at me like that, my lord, and you'll age 50 years every week."_

That was what she always said when he was particularly displeased. He growled deep in his throat trying to straighten his face. Instead he took his anger out on his desk.

"Dang nabbit!" he shouted, grabbing his now injured hand, withholding tears.

Quickly he recovered and swept out of his office and followed the female voices.

Cao Pi couldn't deny a sense of power that flowed through him when the females blushed and gasped when he barged through the door.

Zhen Ji was with the other court ladies, obviously enjoying _something_, but now staring a Cao Pi with bewilderment.

"My lord, what are you—"

Cao Pi grabbed Zhen Ji's wrist and pulled her out of the room.

"My lord…what the hell!?" She cried trying to pull her arm out of his surprisingly strong grip.

Cao Pi was still none too pleased. He wrenched her body with him as she tried to fight back.

"Dangit! Let go!" she cried out, noticing several advisors and officers staring at them.

"Oh come on. You haven't seen a mistreated wife before?" she yelled at them and they all ducked their heads in shame, even the stout Yu Jin who just prayed his Lord Cao Pi didn't notice him staring at their "lover's quarrel."

Jerking her ahead, Cao Pi ushered them around the corner, and shoved her against the wall.

"What the-!"

"Damn you, woman! You trying to drive me insane?" Cao Pi growled.

"With what, my lord? What could I possibly have done this time to render that temple of yours a throbbing mess?" Zhen Ji rolled her eyes, but it was followed by a wince as Cao Pi tightened his grip on her arm, "Careful! I bruise like a peach!"

"I have you know—wait, do peaches even bruise?" Cao Pi's focus dissipated.

"Hell should I know."

"Then why-NEVERMIND! Wife! You have been wandering around giving your affections to everyone in this castle…including," he swallowed in disgust. "The women."

"Wha-?" Zhen Ji's beautiful eyes widened. "Wow."

"Yeah."

"For godsakes—"

"I know."

"No, dammit! Are you that insecure that you have to assume that I'm bumping uglies with women to legitimize yourself?"

Cao Pi frowned as she removed his hands from her body.

"Either way," he growled, pointing an enraged finger at his wife. His rage increased, and as such, caused his normally cool disposition to fall into a spitting fumbling mess. He struggled to find words and match wit with his wife whenever he suffered from such hostile emotions towards her.

"Either way?" she mocked.

"Yes!" he shouted, "Why do you cross me?"

"I have my own priorities, as do you," Zhen Ji playfully patted Cao Pi's cheek

"Excuse me?" he called back as she swept past him with deadly grace, chin held high.

Zhen Ji glanced over her shoulder, her brow furrowed, "I know the looks and attentions you give other ladies. And yet you scorn me for wanting some decent attention from others."

"B-but I—" Cao Pi stammered.

"I shall be away. I shall not seek your bed and company tonight."

Her words froze the very air around her, and Cao Pi could feel the icy bitterness she held as she swept down the hall and out of sight. Now he had to do two things. First, he had to figure out her vernacular, and then try to evaluate every feeling he had for her.

Cao Pi had dinner alone, mulling over his very unnerving loneliness. The persistence of Zhen Ji's shunning gnawed at the back of his head like a starving wolf. Of course the confrontation they had did not escape the ears of the court and rumors spread abound.

But the more he thought about it, the more he could see his own fault. Getting flustered would only drive Zhen Ji away from him more. Females were sensitive creatures, Cao Pi thought. Just the slightest inclination of tone would drive them up the wall. But he had to make his wife see his way.

When he finished he stood from his desk and stomped down the hall. He knocked on the door of his wife's room.

"Who is it?" she called, sounding disgruntled.

"Who do you think it is?" Cao Pi growled back.

"Just a second. Right now I'm elbow deep in sweet womanly—"

"Just open the damn door," he groused, not in the mood for her spiteful humor.

Less than a second later the door opened. Zhen Ji was on the other side giving her husband a stern glare.

"I'd rather not have this conversation out here where gossip is likely to spread," he said calmly.

"God, do we hate Guo Jia."

"I know right? Of all things to be lose-tongued about, it has to be our personal lives."

Zhen Ji stepped aside and allowed him to come in. She crossed her arms over her chest, "So...?"

"I've come to talk-"

"Obviously."

"Shut up. Let me finish," Cao Pi pressed his hands together, working on what to say. Zhen Ji was patient, even as his words froze in his throat. He took a hard look at his wife. It was then that he thought about what Zhen Ji had said before. Was he just as culpable as she? Hiding himself with work, but issuing poetry to other ladies of the court? He thought he was being polite but perhaps it was too much.

Cao Pi internally shook his head. No. He was a Cao. The very definition of right. Cao's don't make mistakes. Everything they do has purpose.

"You obviously have no understanding of what our marriage means," Cao Pi said. "You belong to me, Zhen Ji. And me alone. You talking in lusty tones to any other woman or man is unacceptable."

The woman rolled her eyes, "We've been through this before. I am NOT putting on any advances towards anyone, because of the fact I am married to you. Wish I could say the same for you."

"I confess I have given poems to other ladies, but I do NOT allow them in our sacred bed. I hold nothing for them but liking that does not include any of the affections I give you."

"Which you haven't been giving me lately," Zhen Ji replied, her voice raising an octave as emotions were getting the better of her. She clasped a hand over her mouth to hold in her tears. Cao Pi could not reply. He had no answer. If he were honest, it pained him to see her on the verge of being distraught.

"Work, father, work, some random lady. When was the last time we had a conversation that wasn't an argument and on another time outside of bedtime?"

He couldn't recall. He was either too tired, too involved, too whatever to enjoy anything else but sleep usually.

"I-"

"You don't know," she answered for him. "Believe it or not I take our vows seriously. Perhaps too seriously."

Cao Pi held up his hands, "Alright, alright. I concede I may have not been the most attentive of husbands of late, but you as well are not innocent in this matter."

Zhen Ji pursed her lips and paused, "Okay...I also have been giving attention to others, but not beyond that of a platonic nature, you understand."

He nodded slowly and approached her, placing his hands on her shoulders, "I do. And I will do what I can to fix my damages."

His wife smiled, "That's all I ask."

To his relief, she leaned up and pressed her lips to his, sealing that promise.

* * *

A/N: Yeah, obviously historically that promise is broken and then some. But Zhen Ji needs a happy ending too right?


End file.
